Sarayu’s Interjection: Opportunity to be Broken
“You see,” interjected Sarayu, “broken humans center their lives around things that seem good to them, but that will neither fill them nor free them. They are addicted to power, or the illusion of security that power offers. When a disaster happens, those same people will turn against the false powers they trusted. In their disappointment, they either become softened toward me or they become bolder in their independence. If you could only see how all of this ends and what we will achieve without the violation of one human will—then you would understand.” (Young 123)
Why did this resonate so loudly with me? I know the first reason is because it was a struggle for me to admit that I am a “broken human”. I don’t want to be a broken human. I don’t want to be anything close to broken or broke for that matter. Secondly, I do want goodness and that should be enough to fill me and free me…but the Author asserts otherwise. Thirdly, why does power and independence often get the bad rap? Can’t they be synonymous to strength and freedom? I have begun to process the gravity of Sarayu’s claims. As the allegorical Holy Spirit, it is fitting that Sarayu would have my heart in an entrenched tussle in order to discover Truth in Love.
As I search deeply, I know that at the root of brokenness is opportunity. Though I don’t want to be broken, I can only accept brokenness if I am going to be wrecked to pieces, shattered, completely torn down, and done…with myself. After the death of my oldest brother 7 years ago, I truly died in spirit. I was broken. Since I know what it feels like, I would never wish a bit of brokenness on anyone. However, complete brokenness means that what was can never be repaired and stitched up to be the exact replica of the original. Who I was prior to my brother’s death or during the years of a depressive aftermath or as the result of God’s healing were distinct. Who I was at any of these points is not the same person as I am now.
Why? Prior to my brother’s death, I was broken yet enjoying the ignorance of my own brokenness. During the depressive aftermath, I was experiencing a mix of grief, and unimaginable pain that translated to brokenness. As the result of God’s healing 3 years after my brother’s death, I was at a hurtful revelatory point of brokenness. Now, I am the ongoing culmination of Papa’s new creation. Before I never realized that I was incapable of “fixing” myself nor did I understand that I was entirely unable to heal myself. If I was half-broke, I would use all of my own energy to do a half-decent job and go back to being the same. However, because God is ultimately good, He did not just fix me. He gave me entirely new eyes—ones that see my nieces and nephew with complete gratitude. He gave me new arms which allow for long embraces and melting hearts. He gave me a new mind—one not stuck in the destruction of negativity and horror, but one that can focus on His Love. Ultimately, He gave me a new heart, mind, body, and soul—all open to the wonder in life and death, pain and joy, and laughter and tears. And the newness continues.
The next question I have asked at the frontend is related: why can’t I solely rely on “goodness” to sustain me? Why would the Author disagree? Let’s see what the Author has to say about this…soon.
